Last night was a success...even though O cried, maybe not even less than the night before, he went to sleep on his own an hour earlier than the night before. He wasn't in my arms, he wasn't nursing. He was playing and then just stopped and fell asleep.
But, where we succeeded last night, was an epic fail tonight. I thought for one moment that he was going to fall asleep really quickly. He laid down and was quite still for a while, only 10 minutes after bedtime routine was done. I thought - could this actually be happening?! I think this is it!!. He hadn't even cried at all. Sadly, this was only the beginning of the next 2.5 hour 'ride'. Ugh.
He played, he cried, then he played some more. And between those moments he bite me, probably a dozen times. Something he has been doing a bit more since we started this process. Yes, he's teething, I gave him homeopathic teething drops, gel, and Tylenol to make sure he doesn't have pain from that while we're doing this damn sleep training, but I think these bites were out of frustration. And they hurt. A lot. Babies teeth are sharp. And I'm only human. And I yelled at my little boy, more than once, to stop. This was after telling him no again and again and again. Some people say you should flick their cheek to get them to stop. I don't want to do that. But neither do I want to yell at him in frustration (or for any other reason). I scared him. Some people say you should cry when you get bite. That didn't work either. Others say you should bite back. I did (more gently than he did to me). I don't think he got the message, but we'll see. He didn't bite me again tonight. I lost my mind for a minute after he wouldn't stop crying and biting me - and although I very gladly didn't hurt O, I scared him because I screamed and starting crying because I had reached my limit. I scared my baby to the point that he did stop crying once I picked him up again, and just sobbed for a while. I feel like a failure. I feel like an awful mother for yelling. How could I scare him like that?! I'm supposed to be his protector from all things scary, I'm supposed to be his rock. Well, after sobbing (both of us) O fell asleep on my chest. Epic fail.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
night two
I really noticed a change in O's behaviour yesterday - very cranky, but hey, I would be too if I had spent a night not doing what I've done every night of my life so far...falling asleep while suckling and drinking yummy milk. So, I have gladly been more patient...and boy have I had to be!! Onto the second round...
Bedtime routine was started earlier, since last nap ended about 3:30 or 4 pm. Which worked out well, because O was ready for bed by 6:30!! BUT - it took over TWO hours for him to 'unwind'. Seriously testing my resolve...but I think I may be just ever so slightly more stubborn then him ;) This time he played in the bed while I laid there and kept reminding him 'Nighty night, time to sleep'. Even when I took away something he was playing with, his bedtime book, his soother, the bedsheet...he still wouldn't give in to sleep. I nursed him twice during this process - but made sure to nurse him when he wasn't crying for it. And yes, he cried. Intensely. But, not as long as the first night. And I had to walk around with him to calm him down, but I didn't nurse him again when he was upset. I knew that it would only prolong the process. And once he was finished with his bout of crying, and I calmed him down by walking around, I lay him down DROWSY BUT AWAKE AND HE FELL ASLEEP! His eyes were open, I said a prayer and told him out loud how proud I was of him, and then his breathing slowed and I looked at him again and he was asleep! SUCCESS! I couldn't believe it really. Then I checked again, yup, he was asleep! Unfortunately not for long - but at least I had time to eat supper (at 9pm!) and get ready for bed and even sleep a little before he woke up. I'm actually excited to see how he does tonight! My hope is even less crying...
night one
O had a long afternoon nap which is so rare for him...he wasn't going to make it till bedtime, so at about 4:30 I put him down to sleep...and he didn't wake until about 6:15!!! Since I had planned to start sleep training tonight, this was a definite set back as the plan called for bedtime routine starting at 6:15 :(
Well, O is used to bedtime around 7:30, so I thought I would still go ahead with that and we can change his bedtime over the next few days. Sure enough, after some play and a bit of dinner, he was tired and ready to go down for the night. I explained to O what we were going to do, that tonight was going to be different and challenging but that I knew he and I could do it! He may not (probably not) have understood a lick of what I said, but it was important to none the less convey what was going to change, I think I needed to hear myself say it out loud too. I had a lot of anxiety about this endeavor and I wanted to reiterate why it was so important to make these changes.
The very definition of O's name means 'young fighter', so I knew it was going to be no easy task, and I had prepared myself by writing in bold some mantras so I could keep my own resolve. O has both J and I to thank for his natural stubbornness...we are both Taurus in the zodiak!!
After the usual bedtime routine, it was time to start the new way O was going to fall asleep, without nursing. I did nurse him as part of the bedtime routine, but he was 100% used to falling asleep on the breast. I nursed him one last time, and as his eyes fluttered, I pulled him off the breast. Of course, he woke right up and was ready to play! I put him in his crib to 'unwind' as they suggest, and after almost 15 minutes you could tell he was getting tired and frustrated. So I cuddled him, which he fought, then put him on the bed and he played around for another 20 minutes. He would periodically lay down, and I would think - Oh my, he's going to do it! He's going to just fall asleep! Ya right, not a chance. Then he started intermittently crying, probably because he was so tired by this point! Usually he falls asleep (nursing) in 10 minutes...this was going on an hour! After not being able to soothe him by cuddles or any other means, I nursed O again. Again with the fluttery eyes, again pulled him off. Again more crying - this time heightened and panicky...again with the nurse, again pulling him off, more crying...you get the picture. So then I decided absolutely no more nursing. He was so close to falling asleep and I knew at this point he would just keep getting more frustrated by occasionally nursing (but I did it because he was inconsolable and I just wanted him to have a moment to breathe and calm down). Because holding him wasn't working (or bouncing, or rocking), I decided to leave the bedroom and walk him around. This worked. He calmed down and rested his head on my shoulder, and after only a few more bouts of crying, he fell asleep. I know he's not supposed to fall asleep in my arms, but hey, at least he didn't fall asleep nursing. A major victory in my books! I put the now zonked O into his crib and he didn't stir for another two hours. Maybe this is doable.
Well, O is used to bedtime around 7:30, so I thought I would still go ahead with that and we can change his bedtime over the next few days. Sure enough, after some play and a bit of dinner, he was tired and ready to go down for the night. I explained to O what we were going to do, that tonight was going to be different and challenging but that I knew he and I could do it! He may not (probably not) have understood a lick of what I said, but it was important to none the less convey what was going to change, I think I needed to hear myself say it out loud too. I had a lot of anxiety about this endeavor and I wanted to reiterate why it was so important to make these changes.
The very definition of O's name means 'young fighter', so I knew it was going to be no easy task, and I had prepared myself by writing in bold some mantras so I could keep my own resolve. O has both J and I to thank for his natural stubbornness...we are both Taurus in the zodiak!!
After the usual bedtime routine, it was time to start the new way O was going to fall asleep, without nursing. I did nurse him as part of the bedtime routine, but he was 100% used to falling asleep on the breast. I nursed him one last time, and as his eyes fluttered, I pulled him off the breast. Of course, he woke right up and was ready to play! I put him in his crib to 'unwind' as they suggest, and after almost 15 minutes you could tell he was getting tired and frustrated. So I cuddled him, which he fought, then put him on the bed and he played around for another 20 minutes. He would periodically lay down, and I would think - Oh my, he's going to do it! He's going to just fall asleep! Ya right, not a chance. Then he started intermittently crying, probably because he was so tired by this point! Usually he falls asleep (nursing) in 10 minutes...this was going on an hour! After not being able to soothe him by cuddles or any other means, I nursed O again. Again with the fluttery eyes, again pulled him off. Again more crying - this time heightened and panicky...again with the nurse, again pulling him off, more crying...you get the picture. So then I decided absolutely no more nursing. He was so close to falling asleep and I knew at this point he would just keep getting more frustrated by occasionally nursing (but I did it because he was inconsolable and I just wanted him to have a moment to breathe and calm down). Because holding him wasn't working (or bouncing, or rocking), I decided to leave the bedroom and walk him around. This worked. He calmed down and rested his head on my shoulder, and after only a few more bouts of crying, he fell asleep. I know he's not supposed to fall asleep in my arms, but hey, at least he didn't fall asleep nursing. A major victory in my books! I put the now zonked O into his crib and he didn't stir for another two hours. Maybe this is doable.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Time to update the resume!
Since becoming a mom, I have taken multi-tasking to a whole new level. As I'm sure many new moms can appreciate, you start to realize very quickly how truly valuable every moment can be. I'm not even talking about the beautiful moments when your baby is looking up at you, staring intensely into your eyes, making you smile from ear to ear and completely melting your heart (even though you've only had a few hours of sleep and just moments before wanted to pass off the baby into the nearest victims arms and run for the hills). No, I'm talking about those precious few moments when your baby is either asleep or content and playing happily by himself. In those invaluable times, you can finally get to go to the bathroom (I've considered adult diapers!), or maybe have enough time to make yourself a nice nutritious snack (read: grab anything edible in site and stuff it into your mouth...or better yet, stuff your face while you're peeing like a race horse!) See, this is the multi-tasking I'm talking about! I knew I had talents before I became a mom, but nothing has tested my creativity and perseverance like the need for caffeine...juggling a nursing/sleeping son in one hand while trying to undue the lid off the instant coffee jar with the other, all the while kicking the ball for the dog, whom you feel sorry for because of the screaming child who has taken the place of 'top dog'. There's got to be a way to build those talents into a resumé! Ah yes, my ambidextrous and one-handed abilities can be added to the amazing child entertaining and newly found facial-contortionist qualities I never knew I had.
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